I could not be happier November 6 is here. THANK. GOD. I have been looking forward to/freaking out about this date for so long that I thought it might never get here. Here’s a quick sampling of the reasons I’m happy it’s November 6:
- I can reclaim some of my (admittedly pathetic) attention span. I’ve been so engrossed with this election that I’ve spent more time checking FiveThirtyEight and Reddit than I have writing about music and GODDAMMIT I JUST CHECKED FIVETHIRTYEIGHT AND REDDIT AGAIN. Hopefully I’ll be better about cutting myself off after today than I was after the iPhone 5 came out. (I still haven’t stopped checking MacRumors. I have no idea why. I think I have a problem.)
- The commercials will stop. Today marks the last day swing-staters like me will be subjected to the nightmarish commercials that have made prime-time television practically unwatchable, while simultaneously reminding us of the ridiculous amount of money that’s spent on elections, both by outside groups and the candidates themselves.
- I can stop worrying. One way or the other, it’ll be over. And just in time; I was running out of ways to exorcise my anxiety. I’ve canvassed, I’ve bitched over the phone with my mom, I’ve even written a 3-hour musical about the relationship between topography and voter turnout in Cuyahoga County, Ohio… OK, so that last one isn’t true, but you get my point. It’s time I chilled out.
- I get to vote for Barack Obama again. Fuck yes, I do. I was tremendously excited to vote for him in 2008 and I’m tremendously excited to do so again. For more reasons than I have time to type between now and when the polls close, I believe he’s earned a second term, and I sincerely hope you’ve given him your vote today.
I mean… you voted right? No? What are you waiting for?!? Polls are only open till 7 p.m., and like Jack Bauer always said, “WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME!!!” (Quick side note: Are we as a nation not going to say anything about Carrie Mathison stealing Jack Bauer’s best urgency lines? I mean, I love Homeland to death, but I feel like we need to collectively confront this at some point.)
Click here to find your local polling location and, while you’re at it, make sure to find out if you need to bring an ID. Thanks to some amazing, A-grade assholery, this has become a “major issue” (it’s hard to make quotation marks sarcastic over the Internet, but these are intended to be as disingenuous as they come), so it’s best to be prepared. If you’re reading this in Virginia, these are the acceptable forms of identification, as listed on the Virginia State Board of Elections website:
All quotation mark and Jack Bauer jokes aside, it’s absolutely crucial that you vote today. The executive and legislative branches of our federal government depend on us working together to pick the right guys and gals, and the more people weigh in, the better our chances of actually picking the right guys and gals. So no matter who you’re supporting, please find your polling location and please cast your vote. And do me a personal favor while you’re at it and think an extra second or two before voting for the money-grubbing pathological liar. Thx!
With that, I’ll step off my soapbox. My only regret is not being able to do a mic drop like President Obama did on Jimmy Fallon. Instead, I’ll drop some carefully-timed Skynyrd, which is what I imagine the dudes who have to sweep up the confetti after the various victory parties are going to be listening to later tonight.