So I’m starting this post before the USA vs. Tunisia men’s basketball game has even started, but I’m going to go ahead and report that we beat the snot out of them. I mean, the spread is 54 points and Team USA is loaded. Kevin Durant, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, and Carmelo Anthony have spent the last 3 seasons going head-to-head-to-head-to-head for the NBA scoring title, and they’re all playing on the same team. I’m sorry, I can’t stop using italics — the team is just that ridiculous.
But the roster isn’t perfect, and its biggest weakness is size. Because of various injuries, they boast only one legitimate center — lone 7-footer Tyson Chandler — and he just so happens to love getting into foul trouble.
OK, great, but what the hell does this have to do with Bruce Springsteen?
I’m glad you asked!
USA’s first game of the London Olympics started at 9:something on Sunday morning, but because I was up late playing a gig the night before, I let the matchup with France age for a little while on my DVR, like you would a fine, creamy camembert (the game sat for about 3 hours, but you’re going to want to let that camembert ripen for at least 3 weeks). Before finally pressing play on Sunday afternoon, I spent some time searching for music that would set the right mood for the Alsacian asswhoopin’ I was about to witness. I scanned my record collection for something sufficiently patriotic. Or anti-French. You know, whatever. I got to the G’s and gave The Grateful Dead’s American Beauty a spin, but that wasn’t really doing the trick. I can’t exactly picture “Box Of Rain” pumping through the PA system at a Lakers game, can you? MAYBE if Bill Walton was at the switch. I kept scanning, and when I got to the 19th letter of the alphabet, all was revealed.
Bruce. The Boss. Who is more American than Mr. “Born In The U.S.A.“? No more patriotic jean butt exists in all the free world. Amazingly enough though, there’s a Springsteen song even more fitting for the 2012 edition of Team USA, and that’s “Born To Run.” It’s perfect. Because they often play without a center, this team can jack up the pace of the game and play crazy fast. They fly in transition, even off made shots, and throw down alley-oops left and right because they can consistently beat the other team down the floor. That’s what I call a “runaway american dream”! Baby we were born to ruuuuuuuuuuuuun! Dah DUM DUM DUMMMMM.
Sorry, I got carried away there for a second. The Boss (and Kevin Durant) ended up carrying Team USA to a commanding victory against France, and as I type this, I can report that Tunisia just suffered the same fate. America’s next game isn’t till Thursday, which leaves plenty of time for “Born To Run” pre-gaming. Hear it above or below, snag the album on iTunes here, and join me in cranking that shit up to 11 next time ‘Bron and the boys take the floor.