The interweb situation down here in the Outer Banks is an unholy nightmare, but I’m battling the spotty connection so I can send out a quickie dedication to Mr. Facundo Campazzo.
So I’m starting this post before the USA vs. Tunisia men’s basketball game has even started, but I’m going to go ahead and report that we beat the snot out of them. I mean, the spread is 54 points and Team USA is loaded. Kevin Durant, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, and Carmelo Anthony have spent the last 3 seasons going head-to-head-to-head-to-head for the NBA scoring title, and they’re all playing on the same team. I’m sorry, I can’t stop using italics — the team is just that ridiculous.
But the roster isn’t perfect, and its biggest weakness is size. Because of various injuries, they boast only one legitimate center — lone 7-footer Tyson Chandler — and he just so happens to love getting into foul trouble.
OK, great, but what the hell does this have to do with Bruce Springsteen?
One more thing about the opening ceremony of the London Olympics.
For a ridiculously overblown spectacle that had a fake Queen of England skydiving from a helicopter and squadron of Mary Poppinses (Does anyone know if that’s the right way to pluralize “Mary Poppins?”) cascading from the sky to vanquish a 100-foot-tall Voldemort… they kept it pretty damn real.
[Editor’s Note: The London games have officially been declared open, and I for one am excited as hell — so excited that I’m setting aside a whole blogweek to dive into the crazy stuff that’s happened so far. So without further ado (please read the following words in a British accent), it is my honor to officially declare open You Hear That’s “OMG! OLYMPICS!” week!]
OMG, YOU GUYS! OLYMPICS!
Can we talk about the opening ceremony for a quick second? About the Queen of England (kind of) jumping out of a helicopter? About the hilarious squadron of Industrial Revolution dudes dancing in tuxes and top hats? About the terrifying, 100-foot-tall Voldemort? About the above-pictured sparks-spewing rings that themselves looked like something lifted out of Harry Potter? I must admit to being a little underwhelmed by the first few minutes, with the cricket-playing and the maypole-winding and the over-the-top pastoral bliss, but things picked up significantly, and if you didn’t catch it, I highly recommend you set aside those 3 hours you have just lying around the house and indulge in the most schizophrenic display of national pride you’ll ever see.
Oh wait, I would make that recommendation if NBC wasn’t criminally out of touch with how people consume media these days. They’re militantly policing the interweb, taking down full streams of the opening ceremony wherever they pop up, offering instead chopped up highlights, each with an annoying commercial tacked on to the front. And don’t get me started on how they still think it’s OK to tape-delay events like this to get bigger ratings. Ugh. Dicks.
Wait a minute… this post was supposed to be a celebration! I’m not letting NBC throw an ice pack on my Olympic fever! Let’s look at the sunny side…